Wednesday, August 15, 2012

If They Hadn't Sent Me To The Rubber Room...

...I wouldn't feel this poem the way I do.

Rhinocerous Woman by Assata Shakur
Rhinocerous woman
who nobody wants
and everybody used.
They say you’re crazy
cause you not crazy enough
to kneel when told to kneel.

Hey, big woman -
with scars on the head
and scars on the heart
that never seem to heal -
I saw your light
and it was shining.

You gave them love.
They gave you shit.
You gave them you.
they gave you hollywood.
They purr at you
cause you know how to roar
and back it up with realness.

Rhinocerous woman,
big momma in a little world.
You closed your eyes
and neon spun inside your head
cause it was dark outside.

You read your bible
but god never came.
Your daddy woulda loved you
but what would the neighbors say.

They hate you momma
cause you expose their madness.
And their cruelty.

They can see in your eyes
a thousand nightmares
that they have made come true.

Black woman. Baad woman.
Wear your bigness on your chest like a badge
cause you done earned it.

Strong woman. Amazon.
Wear your scars like jewelry
cause they were bought with blood.

They call you mad.
And almost had you
believing that shit.

They called you ugly.
And you hid yourself
behind yourself
and wallowed in their shame.

Rhinocerous woman -
this world is blind
and slight of mind
and cannot see
how beautiful you are.

I saw your light.
And it was shining

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


 I live in the same neighborhood as the school where I was mobbed by students, administrators, teachers, and parents.  It is inevitable for me to cross paths with them.  I imagine that it must be something like living in Salem after being accused of being a witch.

When I see one of the people who colluded with Liar Principal Sh----T----y., I deal with it by ignoring them.  I walk right past as if they didn't exist.

I have already admitted to hating them.  I have tried not to fuel it by refusing to acknowledge their existence.  I have maintained rigid mind control, and have excised all thoughts about them.  That means that I have had to avoid the topic of education altogether.  I have also avoided this blog.  I haven't returned calls or emails from people I knew in the Rubber Room--the only colleagues that ever call me.  It was necessary because of the intense feelings of hatred and anger I felt every time I thought about what had been done to me.  I had suffered since the early 2000's when Principal Sh----T----y took over.   During that time, my feelings were totally shut down.  I actually marveled at how calmly I took it all. Then all of a sudden, about a year ago, I was flooded with intense anger.  I didn't welcome it, but it was there anyway.

Then, not long ago, I crossed paths with one of the Slave Brains that helped Principal Sh----T---y. and as usual I turned my head the other way and walked right on past.  But this time was different.  I didn't feel anger.  I didn't feel hatred.  It was a great relief for me.  Those are burdensome feelings, and it takes a great deal of effort to suppress and/or sublimate them.

I hesitated to hope that I was over it all.  Had I just shut down again?  But no.  Somehow, I am no longer attached to that part of my life.  I tried to find an image that would illustrate what had happened to me by Googling the word "Unattached" and I found this picture of a sculpture of a huge screw and wing nut.  It was perfect.  It took years to screw me and years to unscrew me.  

People are still back there screwing each other, but this wing nut is free to fly and will stay that way.